My black class mate asked if he could have the only banana I had. I thought for a while and decided to give him. You know how annoying a monkey is when you show him a banana and refuse to give it to him.展开全文 原微博
Today, Barack Obama has signed a law ending the ban on openly gay people serving in the military. In his speech he said, "Gay soldiers no longer have to look over their shoulders." Yes Barack, that's for the straight soldiers to do now.展开全文 原微博
Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML展开全文 原微博
Mummy,Mummy I'm fed up with going round in circles all the time. Shut up ya little cunt or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!展开全文 原微博
I was finally able to get anal from the wife. All I had to do was put Rohypnol in her drink. Though I think she's going to be asking questions, once she wakes up with a strap-on around her waist.展开全文 原微博
Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML展开全文 原微博
It's political correctness gone mad! I swear, you cant say the words nigger and KFC in the same sentence these days without be branded a racist展开全文 原微博
Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML展开全文 原微博
